So often we want our toddler's behaviour to change. But that change starts with us.

When you're feeling angry with your toddler, it's even more triggering when they shout or continue to misbehave, right? IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

When your toddler is misbehaving, they're most likely disregulated. This means something doesn't feel quite right for them and they're unable to communicate an unmet need. When you respond in a frustrated way, that in turn just increases their disregulation. You both end up miserable!

Change is SO HARD. Nobody is perfect at regulating themselves and even though I know a lot of strategies I am not at all immune to feeling incredibly triggered by my toddler. 3 is a HARD age.

What I'm constantly reminding myself of is this: my child isn't going to turn out 'bad'. We as parents don't have to jump on every misbehaviour and scald them or speak in a serious voice to let them know we mean business and uphold the rules. We NEED to give our toddlers some grace because their brains are underdeveloped, they're impulsive and they cant regulate themselves. We CAN let some things slide and that's ok.

All behaviour is communication. If your toddler just threw something they knew they shouldn't - trust me that they already feel crappy that they misbehaved. It really pays to take a deep breath yourself to ensure that you can reply calmly and not escalate the situation. "I can't let you throw that. It looks like you need my attention, would you like a cuddle?".

Remember all attention is good attention. So if you respond to bad behaviour in a big, dramatic way your child is getting big exciting attention, even though it's negative. It all starts with us and changing ourselves.

As always - the book "no bad kids" is amazing if you're ready for some change. Super easy read. Available on ibooks so you can read it on your phone :)

If this has been thought provoking for you, please share with your family and fellow parents.